Melancholy
by GB Freak1
Summary: He stared out into the vast oblivion outside the observation deck.  The melancholy he was feeling was almost staggering, as it was every year.


**I only recently watched the 2009 Star Trek. I was never a big Star Trek, I'd see a lot of the original movies, and more of the Next Generation. But I'd heard great things about the movie, and boy am I sorry I waited. It was incredible. Exciting, action packed, yet with strong characters and amazing story lines. I've only ever written for Psych before, so I'm extremely nervous about posting this. Hope you like it. I think it turned out well. My inspiration was an amazing drawing on deviantart by applepie1989 called Observation Room. It is a magnificent picture and she is an incredible artist. Check it out. **

_**Melancholy**_

He stared out into the vast oblivion outside the observation deck. The melancholy he was feeling was almost staggering, as it was every year. Captain James T. Kirk hated his day. The quiet of the deck was very settling, but he knew it wouldn't last. Someone would come looking for him soon, probably Bones.

The soothing pull of stars caused him to reach out, fingertips brushing the cool surface of the window. He gently pressed his hand flat against the glass and sighed. Why was he burdened with this sorrow? How could he continually mourn a man he'd never known? After twenty seven years, shouldn't the pain be subsiding? He had everything he'd ever hoped for after taking Pike's dare to do better than his father; the best crew in the fleet, the best ship in the fleet, and was the youngest Captain that Starfleet had ever had, for an entire month.

And the month had been great. They started their five year mission with a fan fair that had been moderated with a quiet reverence for all that was lost. Spock had become his First Officer and he was beyond thrilled with that. Bones grumbled about the green blooded hobgoblin coming along, a lot, but Jim could tell he was starting to warm up to the idea. There were a few successful supply runs and then a diplomatic mission that had gone well.

Their last mission was a trip to Vulcan II. He thought seeing Ambassador Spock would be great, a friendly face, someone to pump for information on how to get along better with his First Officer. It was kind of like cheating, but darn those Vulcans were difficult to read. But the visit with the older Spock was tempered by recalling the startling revelation of Delta Vega. In that other time line, before Nero royally fucked it up, he had known his father, he had grown up in the same house with George Kirk. And even though he knew his father, he still went on to become Captain of his beautiful Enterprise, not as quickly, but he was still the Captain. So how in the hell was this fair? He might be a little more understanding if in that time line, he had known George, but never was Captain. That almost would be a fair trade.

But it really wouldn't. If Dad was still alive, Sam would have stayed and Mom would have been, well more like a mom. He would gone to the academy, and still be on the Enterprise with Bones, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and Spock. He could feel the rage burning deep in his soul, yet the rational, logical part of his brain told him that these feelings of being cheated by the universe were ridiculous.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to rest on the window. The tears that had been threatening since they left the new Vulcan colony finally dripped silently from his eyes. A warm hand rested on his shoulder.

"You okay?" his best friend and Chief Medical Officer asked.

"Not really," he murmured, desperately trying to hide the sniffle.

"Everyone's waiting for you in the mess," Bones said softly.

"For what?" he asked.

"Your birthday party, you idiot."

He chuckled, "Don't think that is a great idea. You know how I feel about birthdays, well my birthday."

Bones' hand tightened slightly, "I know Jim, but they are all so damn excited. They thought it would be a great way to celebrate your becoming their Captain as well. To thank you for everything."

He pulled his head back and stared at Bones, confused. But the look of sadness on Bones' face almost stopped him from asking. "Thank me?"

The grin returned to his friend's face. "Yes, you did good, continue to lead them well. You help them to do good. Come on, stop being a drama queen and let's go enjoy the night with your crew."

Jim couldn't help it, he laughed. "Drama queen, really Bones. Clearly I'm sulking, not pandering for attention."

It was Bones' turn to chuckle. "Which is surprising for you. Ow!" he shouted as Jim punched him in the arm.

Jim turned to the window again, staring out into space. "I'm not sure I can go to a party and pretend to be merry right now Bones."

Bones slung his arm around the younger man's shoulders. "So don't. Just go, they'll just be happy you're there."

Jim grinned, then slowly nodded. Maybe he felt cheated, maybe this day would never be fun, but now he had a crew and friends to celebrate with. Maybe for a little while he could forget about what should have been and enjoy what is. As he and Bones entered the mess and saw the large group gathered there and listened to their roaring "Surprise!", he smiled brightly and whispered, "Thanks Dad."

_Fin _


End file.
